Movie Junk

Review of The Year

Hollywood’s elite will next week gather at the Kodak Theatre to give each other a pat on the back for their services to film. Forget that, this is where it’s at. Here is a look back over the best and worst of all things film this past year.

BEST FILM

MONEYBALL

Moneyball will almost definitely be overlooked next week but the true life story of The Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane was the stand out film of the year. Billy is left with not much of a team. The richer clubs have taken his best players and he has to find a way to turn around The Oakland A’s for next season. Superbly acted, directed and scripted, Moneyball is a fantastic against the odds story that has a whole lot of heart. Brad Pitt gives a career best performance to bring Beane to life, the same can be said for Jonah Hill, whose portrayal of a performance analyzer who helps re-build the Oakland A’s, is the perfect match for Beane.

I know nothing about Baseball, nothing. It didn’t matter. Moneyball is about as close to movie perfection you’re going to get.

BEST PERFORMANCES

BRAD PITT - MONEYBALL

No surprises here. Pitt was tailor made for this role, struggling against a stubborn scouting network and an apathetic coach, Pitt gives a fantastic performance of a man whose strength of character gets him through.

Haunted by the demons of his past as a former baseball player who failed to live up to expectations, he is determined not to come up short again. It’s an engaging, involving and wonderfully observed portrayal of a man fighting for some kind of redemption.

JEAN DUJARDIN, BERENICE BEJO - THE ARTIST

It’s hard, nigh on impossible not to fall in love with these two. The Artist was so refreshing and enjoyable and it was brilliantly held together by this pair. George Valentin and Peppy Miller, one a star of the silent movie, the other a rising name in the new world of talkies come together and showcase the heights and pitfalls of 1920’s Hollywood.

Dujardin in particular stands out, his transformation from a star to a regular guy who’s down and out is pitch perfect, and he does it all without saying a word, well almost.

WORST FILM

TRANSFORMERS 3: SOME RIDICULOUS SUB-TITLE THAT I CANT REMEMBER

Is Michael Bay actually a teenage boy? Is he really more into creating explosions than films? Transformers 3 was not a film, not by any stretch of the imagination.

A little known fact about Transformers 3 was that the script was actually written on the back of a damp beer mat.  What’s really great about the movie is that the character development is so subtle that you barely even notice it, giving you lots more time to revel and point at all the explosions while no doubt stuffing your fat face full of more popcorn.

Rosie Huntington-Whitely got a lot of stick for her performance but this film has bigger problems than her, specifically the fact that it is god awful. Michael Bay has apparently signed on for a fourth film, and if that’s the kind of news that excites you then you are a moron.

MOST OVERRATED FILM

THE DESCENDANTS

Step forward this years indie film that everybody has decided to get carried away with. George Clooney is back as a man who has just learned that his wife is cheating on him. Only problem is she is stuck in a coma and he has to traipse through Hawaii with his family to track down the man she was seeing.

Clooney falls back on his tried and tested acting technique, the delayed reaction, to get him through playing a part that requires more than his limited abilities are capable of. A pregnant pause here, a steely eyed stare there and bobs your uncle it’s two hours later and I’m seven quid poorer.

There is nothing remarkable about the Descendants, it is an average film with average performances, not the best film of this or any other year.

OTHER MENTIONS

Liam Neeson doing what Liam Neeson does best in the unstoppably awesome The Grey. The lovely feeling of nostalgia that was delivered by Super 8, how refreshing it was to see a great original movie amongst the usual summer sequel fest. The unintentional hilarity that comes with watching Abduction, Taylor Lautner may just be the worst actor on the planet. Nicolas Cage stating that he wants to re-visit The Wicker Man but in Japan, who exactly are the Hollywood Execs stopping this from happening? The tension cranking score in Moneyball, I think it’s fair to say I firmly love everything to do with that movie. Ryan Gosling making a shiny scorpion jacket look cool in the unquestionably cool Drive. Finally Gary Busey declaring himself bankrupt. I’ll offer 5 to 1 odds that by this time next year he has also declared himself criminally insane.

Steve Carell has the best “trying not to cry” face

Drive Review

Ryan Gosling is back as the un-named “Driver” in the aptly titled Drive. From the outset we are thrust into this films world. The bleached out shots of downtown Los Angeles, the fuchsia titles and the snarl of a muscle car as it streams through the night. This is Michael Mann territory, it’s reminiscent of Miami Vice. Drive wears its 1980’s influences firmly on its sleeve and isn’t afraid to flaunt them.

Step forward our protagonist. Detached, methodical, quiet. He goes about his job with maximum care. Mechanic by day, getaway driver by night. The opening set piece is an exercise in how to create tension. The throbbing music, the long protracted silences and ultimately, the chase.

From here on out Drive takes it down a gear or two and focuses on a blossoming relationship between Driver and his neighbour Irene (Carey Mulligan.) They don’t talk much but you care for them and his affection for her is obvious. So when Irene’s estranged husband shows up and gets himself in a spot of bother, Driver is forced to act on emotion.

The script is pretty stripped down and bare. A basic plot where a man takes a job in order to protect a woman, when that job goes south, everything starts to unravel. It’s the films style that is the standout here. This could of been an average movie but for the way it has been shot and edited. Glorious visuals, a fantastic soundtrack and a slow burn pace are the keys to Drive’s success. It doesn’t hurt that the cast are outstanding as-well. I’ve probably run out of superlatives for the ever impressive Gosling, Mulligan is wonderful as a down-trodden soul that you just can’t help but feel for. Credit also has to go to the inspired casting of both Bryan Cranston and Albert Brooks. Cranston is compelling as the Driver’s boss with ties to the criminal underworld and Albert Brooks is puts up a controlled performance as the antagonist, always simmering with menace.

A simple film given a unique style. The throbbing tones that open the film set its pace. Drive’s pulse beats throughout its run-time, leading you on a journey through Driver’s world. Style over substance? Perhaps but Drive is far too cool for you to care.

Nobodies Favourite Film #8

Phenomenon (1996)

As a change of pace for this feature I have decided to include a film that I don’t actually mind. The fact that it is a bit shit doesn’t stop me from feeling for simpleton and all round world’s nicest man George Malley (Travolta). When George see’s some bright lights in the sky one night he starts to become incredibly smart and in the process scares the crap out of some of the small town yokels.

Travolta spends most of this film pulling an expression that is supposedly meant to convey deep thought. I have my doubts over whether Travolta has ever had a deep thought in his entire life. As his brain power reaches unbelievable new heights (genuinely unbelievable heights, he smashes a mirror by just looking at it) he learns he was a simpleton all along. He just had a massive brain tumor. A fact broken to him by cheerful doctor Robert Duvall.

Conveniently the tumor explains everything in one two-minute scene. The flashing lights, the increased brain activity and most ridiculously the telekinesis. In the films final act upon learning his fate, Travolta returns to his love (Kyra Sedgwick.) It is here when the sentimentality kicks into overdrive as he wistfully reminisces over days gone by before he finally decides enough is enough and dies a remarkably painless death for someone in his condition.

I’m being harsh, it’s not a terrible film by any means. It deserves its place on here purely for the scene where Sedgwick shaves Travolta’s bearded face and some cheesy ass overbearing music starts to play before they become entangled in each others glare. They kiss and despite Travolta’s increased intelligence he pulls a remarkably simple face making it look like Sedgwick is getting off with a mental patient.

Crazy Stupid Love Review

Steve Carell is back as the as the anchor in the ensemble piece Crazy Stupid Love. After learning that his wife (Julianne Moore) wants a divorce, he sets about re-inventing himself with the aid of new best friend and all round ladies man Ryan Gosling.

Comedy can be found in all sorts of places and heartbreak is no exception. Upon hearing of his wife’s intentions and her previous infidelity he rather predictably hits the bottle and bestows his woes upon anyone who will listen. The film struggles to garner any real pace or direction until Gosling comes along and sets in motion Crazy Stupid Love’s most enjoyable aspect. Their exchanges as he grooms Carell from a pathetic edge of the bar sob story to a man on the prowl are about as good as it gets, with Gosling in particular taking to the role with ease. It’s when the plot staggers into sentimentality that problems arise.

Carell is more than adept at creating a comedic character with a heart, a seven year long shift as the loveable idiot Michael Scott on The Office proved that. Comedy however is where he is most comfortable and he manages to pull off a few decent laughs but, through no fault of his own, the films insistence on maintaining a gooey centre means that when an emotional punch is required it comes up just short.

For the most part it is plenty enjoyable and offers a smattering of decent performances. Julianne Moore is as ever strong in a decent if slightly underwritten role. Emma Stone continues to impress but doesn’t really tread any new ground although the upcoming adaptation of The Help should see her venture into different territory. Ryan Gosling is probably this films saving grace, he took it as a job to wind down after committing so much of himself to the involving Blue Valentine. It just goes to show that even when on autopilot he is still one of the best young actors around.

A perfectly passable way to spend a hundred minutes or so and that is more than can be said about most romantic comedies. Crazy, Stupid, Love is engaging and has more than enough genuinely funny moments to keep most of the paying public satisfied. It would of been even better had the film-makers had the courage to not take themselves quite as seriously when the film’s final act began to creep around the corner.

Bad film ideas

I regularly come up with ideas for terrible films, what follows are two of my favourites. (All ideas are copyrighted)

PIMP DADDY

Starring: Rob Schneider

Tagline: Husband. Father. Pimp.

Plot: Schneider plays Chris, a well meaning father of two. One night, on his way home from work as an insurance salesman he accidentally runs over a pimp leaving dozens of prostitutes without an agent. To make things right he has to take on the prostitutes as clients.

Hilarity ensues as Schneider tries to juggle his life as a pimp along with his work and home life. His teenage daughter in particular starts to become suspicious when she finds her dad’s new jewelery collection.

Key Scene: Schneider squares off to another pimp (played by 50 Cent) who is putting girls out on Schneider’s patch. The pair engage in a highly comical and not at all cringeworthy argument involving words like: homie, shizzle, nizzle and bizatch.

Sequel Potential: Good, skip forwards a few years and the aforementioned teenage daughter becomes a mother, creating “Pimp Grandaddy.”

THE SPONSOR

Starring: Christian Bale and Sean Penn

Tagline: (Below Christian Bale’s face) This man has taken everything from you. Now he’s here to help.

Plot: A moving and very very serious film about the fatal consequences of alcoholism. Whilst drink-driving Christian Bale is involved in a car crash. He survives, the woman in the other vehicle does not. That woman is the wife of Sean Penn.

Sent spiraling into depression from the loss of his wife, Penn turns to the bottle but eventually manages to drag himself to AA. A place where he meets his sponsor, yep, Christian Bale. Anger, torment and anguish come to the boil as the pair spend the 2hrs 52mins running time trying to out-act each other.

Key Scene: Unable to live with the guilt any longer, Bale is about to commit suicide when Penn dramatically stops him. “Why are you stopping me” Bale Screams … “I took your wife.” “No, no you didn’t” Penn replies “She’s still here, here when I look at my children, here when the sun shines, here whenever beautiful music plays. She is still the reason I get up in the morning.” A tearful Bale then steps back from a building’s edge before the two embrace and cry a lot.

Sequel Potential: None, this is far too serious for a sequel.

Guys who deserve better gigs #1

BOB HOSKINS

Career Lows: Maid in Manhattan, Super Mario Bros, Garfield 2 A Tail of Two Kitties, Son of The Mask, Hook.

Bob is better than chasing dinosaurs through dimensions. Particularly ones that are as annoying as Dennis Hopper, but everybody’s got bills to pay, even Super Mario.

He does however pop up every now and then to remind us all what a good actor he really is, from brimming with menace in Hollywoodland to heartbreaking in Last Orders, Bob Hoskins really can act.

He has been hampered by some strange career decisions, I really would like to know what was going though his brain as he sat down to read Super Mario Bros. He must of got to the line where Mario says “I got two words for you im-*possible*!!!” and thought, I’ll do it!

Bob can next be seen re-visiting his role as Smee in what is sure to be a highly original TV adaptation of the Peter Pan Story. (Rhys Ifans is playing Hook? ooo goody)

Cedar Rapids Review

Instantly forgettable, Ed Helms and Anne Heche in Cedar Rapids.

Ed Helms moves from supporting cast to lead actor in his latest film Cedar Rapids. Helms plays Tim Lippe, a straight laced god fearing insurance salesman who is sent to Cedar Rapids to an annual insurance convention. Lippe has no idea what he has let himself in for as the weekend turns into one of debauchery and drunkenness.

Supported by the ever reliable John C. Reilly, Helms just about manages to carry the film. It’s not a huge leap for him with his character not being a million miles away from his one in The Hangover, this one though has significantly less to do. Cedar Rapids’ problem is that not a lot really happens. It ambles along from one scenario to the next strung loosely together by a rather dull plot involving some dodgy dealings amongst insurance executives.

The laughs never really come. Reilly’s Dean Ziegler comes the closest to awaking the film from its slumber but it’s ultimately not enough. Isiah Whitelock Jr supplies a treat for fans of The Wire but that aside, very little noteworthy action takes place.

Inevitably Lippe finds his way through some minor obstacles to come out enlightened on the other end although almost just as inevitably, you wont care.

Reviews have been largely favourable for Cedar Rapids, I’m scratching my head as to why.

The Company Men Review

The Company Men centres around three men in the midst of an economic recession. The men in question, Tommy Lee Jones, Ben Affleck and Chris Cooper find themselves in possession of a redundancy package as their company looks to downsize.

The Company Men is not a subtle film. Released during one of the worst global financial crises, it pulls little punches in detailing the grim reality a lot of workers find themselves in. At the helm of it is Affleck, playing Bobby Walker. A man used to the lifestyle an executive position brings: the golf club membership, the porche on the driveway, a house in the suburbs and the picture perfect family. He plays his character’s downward spiral perfectly, losing the things that he felt were important one by one before slowly coming to appreciate what he always had around him.

Unfortunately, the fact that Affleck is so engaging and that he takes up so much screen time means that ultimately the film is not about three men at all. Chris Cooper does his best as Phil Woodward, a man who struggles to find his way back onto the corporate ladder. Arguably his character dealt with one of the most interesting issues of the rising unemployment rate, the fact that the least likely age bracket to be re-employed is people aged between fifty and sixty. The script however fails to commit to his character and he is left feeding off scraps.

The same can be said of Gene McClary (Tommy Lee Jones), a man who has worked at the company since its formation, but his doomed struggle to prevent the downsizing never really comes to life.

John Wells does a good job of directing his own script. For his first feature film he shows a sure hand and despite issues with the screenplay in the case of Affleck at-least, he manages to convey a decent level of character development.

The Company Men shows plenty of promise and is relatively engaging throughout but will struggle to get audiences riled up at the injustice of it all.

Super Review

Rainn Wilson takes the lead for James Gunn’s first film since 2006’s Slither. Here he plays Frank D’Arbo, a man left reeling when his wife, played by Liv Tyler, leaves him for Kevin Bacon’s local drug dealer.

Rather than spend the film basking in self pity Frank decides to do something about it, something that he feels only he can do, transform himself into The Crimson Bolt. A local “superhero” who waits around for crime and tackles it armed with only a plumbing wrench. Add in Ellen Page as the trusty sidekick Bolty and you have in place all the ingredients for an enjoyable indie comedy.

For the first ten minutes, that is how the film sets itself out. Wilson’s voice-over providing a comical insight into the mind of a seemingly good yet pathetic man. From there on out however you are forced to sit through a film completely losing its way. The laughs quickly dry up and director Gunn displays a remarkable ineptitude when it comes to storytelling.

A series of montages briefly manage to lighten the mood but Gunn’s over-reliance on gore and bizarre set pieces completely obliterate the promise the film had showed in its opening act. Super saves its biggest crime for its final third, it attempts to take itself seriously. An impossible sell when your lead character runs about in red lycra smacking people about with a wrench.

Wilson does his best in a frankly underwritten part, he slips perfectly into the heartbroken loser role and is equally adept at transforming into the alternative hero. The same can be said of Page whose enthusiasm and tenacity is the perfect match to Wilson’s gloom.

This film could of been so much more, whoever cut the trailer did a remarkable job. Gunn’s script lacks any genuine heart or warmth, his scatter-gun approach to storytelling gets in the way of any real character development. When it comes to directing Gunn neither displays the skill nor the patience to give Super any clear objectives and he ends up simply miss-firing.